doing much better

Well I think I have come to a point of what will be, will be. I am not stressing anymore and I am just trying to stay focused on what is right in front of me. I have a wonderful job that I love, my class is amazing this year. I spend 5 days a week with 20 wonderful 6 year olds. I feel good about what I do everyday. Gaylon and I are buying a beautiful home, which has really helped keep my mind off all the depressing stuff. We are busy finding new tile, ceiling fans, and painting. I love doing house things and decorating, its fun. I am even eating better and have lost 7 lbs already ;)

The latest update in all this is that I had a ton of blood work done to see if I had any of the typical issues that cause recurrent miscarriage, and for once on this journey (to my honest disbelief) all tests came back negative. So- no blood clotting disorders, no autoimmune disorders, no lupus. So no besides the PCOS, endometriosis, and blocked fallopian tube... there is still hope. Maybe it will happen, or maybe we'll adopt, or maybe we'll do IVF. Who knows but I am not putting any more pressure/guilt on myself. Or at least I am going to try really hard not to.

Stay busy...my new motto.

Another bad news post...

I had to take some time off of this for a while. Life sucks in some ways right now, but I am throwing myself into work. This year has started off really well, my new first graders seem really adorable. So that is good. We are also buying a house near my parents and that is giving me a lot to think about too.

Well the last cycle worked- for a while. We did become pregnant, which was wonderful. But I knew something was not right, but you know how you hope you are wrong. It started off just like the last time I got pregnant, with a very faint positive on a home pregnancy test. Was trying to stay positive thinking that maybe I am just nervous because this has happened before. Went in for a blood test and it was positive but my hcg (the pregnancy hormone) was low as well as the progesterone- not good. They could do nothing about the hcg but I was prescribed progesterone supplements. Went back in for another blood test 2 days later and my hcg levels were going down when they should be going up. I was told to stop taking the progesterone and that I would miscarry within a few days. I was devastated. Mom was out of town, but thankfully I was headed to see my grandparents anyway. That helped me by staying busy, being spoiled by a wonderful granny and papa, and keeping my mind off what has just happened again. Came home and threw myself into this new school year.

I am doing okay considering all that we have been through. I have had a few moments though, but I am trying to stay positive, but honestly I am losing hope a bit. Next cycle they are going to start doing some testing to see why we are having these recurrent miscarriages. Sigh... I just feel horrible about it all. Can anything else really be wrong??? It seems as though this will never happen for me. And that is very depressing.

Prayers Welcome...

Fingers crossed, prayers said, baby dust ***we had good news today!

We went in for the follicle scan ultrasound and we were hoping for a follicle between 18-25mm, and on the right side. And guess what? We have one very large 23mm follicle on the RIGHT side! I am on cd13 and should ovulate within the next 2 days or so! This will be the earliest (most normal time) I have ever ovulated. So I am thinking I love Femara! And we are so lucky it is on the right side this month.

So say a prayer for us, maybe this will be THE month. :)

HSG Results- official

Kelli (my nurse) called yesterday and said that the HSG results appeared to show that my left tube was closed, but then she said some other things I did not understand but basically that it is inconclusive. Ok? So the next plan is to go ahead with this cycle of Femara and have my ultrasound on Thursday. This will check that an egg is forming, showing the Femara did induce ovulation. And they will also be able to tell which side I am going to ovulate from (right side would be best for obvious reasons). Then if I don't get pregnant this month we will plan for a laparoscopy (surgery) to try to open the left tube and check/treat any endometriosis. So hopefully the ultrasound looks good and I get pregnant this month...we'll see.

Bad news for me...

So we are well into our new plan I guess you could say. We got Gaylon's tests back and he has super sperm, literally. The nurse was giving us his counts for everything and then told us the normal range, he was off the charts in almost everything. Yay for him, suck for me. I feel bad sometimes that he married someone who can't get pregnant and has all these problems. He thinks I am being silly of course, but still I can't help but think that anyway. He has been beyond supportive and way more hopeful than me. I am starting to let this really get to me.

Okay on to my tests. The ultrasound on Tuesday showed that I still had a cyst but it was much smaller and I was ok to start Femara that day :) So I am on 5mg/day for 5 days. There was some confusion at CVS bc they didn't understand why I was taking Femara for infertility bc it is really used to treat breast cancer. She was dumb. Then they couldn't read the slip right and accidentally thought I should be taking 10mg, which I knew was too much! So anyway, I think I will go to a different pharmacy next time. However they were able to bill it so that my insurance would pay for it saving me about $100.

Femara is much better than Clomid, the hot flashes are much more manageable and no headaches.

BAD NEWS... I went in yesterday for my HSG to xray the uterus and fallopian tubes. First of all it was very painful! Second, although being able to watch the xrays right then and there was cool- it was not so cool when I could clearly see that the right tube was filling up and spilling out (good sign, shows an open tube) but I could see nothing down the left side. I asked the technician if that meant that my left tube was blocked. She skirted around the issue and said that it could just be inconclusive. But I don't think she can say since she is not the radiologist but it was very clearly not working on the left side. UGH...blah...sigh..weap...

I am just waiting to hear from my RE about what the Radiologist says. I don't really know what the next step would be with having both PCOS and a blocked tube?? I never thought I'd have a blocked tube bc I have never had an STD or any other pelvic infection. I thought it could maybe be a possibility with my appendicitis surgery in China, but that would have been on the right side and my "blocked" side is on the left. Crazy. So I have no clue what they might suggest next. But this makes sense bc this last month I ovulated on my left side and no pregnancy. So...I will update again when I hear from my RE.

I used to want like 3 kids, but now it seems like just one would be a miracle. The whole thing is getting pretty depressing.

On the new path...

We went in yesterday to see Dr. Berger (had to change doctors bc of insurance) and it was very informative. A lot of new information to take in, but I feel good about what we are doing. She took us into her office and did a medical history on both of us. During that we talked about my painful periods and the likelihood that I may also have endometriosis. Gaylon's past surgery may have also caused him to have sperm antibodies. We had not heard of that, but it is basically when your body does not recognize sperm as part of your body and try to attack it. This causes antibodies to attach to the sperm and impair mobility and the ability for them to break through the egg. So he is going to have that tested this next week. Hopefully he is good to go and nothing is wrong there, bc if it is, we have to move on to IUI or IVF sooner.

So after our medical history she talked with us a little bit about a newer medication called Femara. She said many people who do not respond to Clomid may respond to Femara. This is a less expensive option to injectible hormones so we are going to try that first. We then did an ultrasound, which was much more detailed than the one I had before. Found a lot of fluid around my right ovary and a large cyst on my left. She is hoping that the cyst is one that will go away through this cycle, but we will have to check on it once I start my period to make sure. If it is gone, my blood work is normal, and Gaylon's semen analysis is good, I will start Femara next month while we finish up testing.

I will still need to have a Hysterosalpingogram done to check my fallopian tubes. It is where they put dye into your uterus and then you take an x-ray to see if you have any blockage. We could wait to start Femara until after this test, because if it shows I have blocked fallopian tubes, Femara won't do much for that. However, we decided to take a chance and start it concurrently with the HSG test.

So....sigh...lots of information...lots to do, but I feel like we are on the right path.

Summary:
This week- had appointment with Dr. Berger, set up semen analysis, and get blood work done.
When period comes: call Austin Radiological Association and set up HSG fallopian tube test, go back in to Dr. Berger and do ultrasound to check that the cyst on my left ovary is gone. (if gone get prescription for Femara and take it cd3-7)
CD 10: go in for HSG test

New Appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist

On Friday I got a call from my Ob/Gyn that I was not ovulating per my blood test on Thursday. She then referred me to Texas Fertility Center. Called them, they were so nice, and got really lucky. They have a new doctor, she is not new new, just new to their practice. She starts taking new patients this Monday. I was able to get in on Wednesday at 1:30. I am really excited about that because thought it would take a while and I would have to skip a cycle. So I am hoping that I get in and we can start something next cycle. :) I'll update again after Wednesday.

I hate Clomid! Ugh, with all the hot flashes you'd think it would be working!!

Well, I don't think month 3 on clomid worked (meaning no ovulation). Went in today for my blood test to see for sure but my temperatures have stayed low for too long. :( Ugh. I will let you know what Brittany tells me about my progesterone levels. Hoping she will call tomorrow and let me know so that I can call Texas Fertility and try to get an appointment asap. But I don't know how quick all that will go. Maybe I will just pregnant on a fluke this month............ probably not. Trying to stay positive...which is getting hard.

Okay so time for an update...

I have not been writing much but I think it is because I have been trying not to get too upset about all this. And sometimes I just don't want to talk about it, not even write about it in this blog. Last month I went in on cd21 for a progesterone test to see if I ovulated, I didn't. :( But in the back of my mind i was still like, maybe I did but it was after day 21 and I could still be pregnant. But I wasn't.

Started my period yesterday and went in to see my nurse Brittany. She's great, but I almost started crying while talking to her. She was very understanding and we talked about what the new plan was for this month. This is my last try for Clomid to work. I will be taking 150mg a day for 5 days and doing another progesterone test on cd 21 to test for ovulation. I am pretty much assuming this will not work, but she said it might. And if it does then I will do this dose for 2 additional cycles. But if this dose does not induce ovulation, then they will not give me any more. I will be then sent on to Texas Fertility to go on to the next step, which Brittany said would most likely be injectable hormones. She was very positive about my chances of getting pregnant on those, so that was good to hear at least.

So...fingers crossed for round 3.

Yesterday's Dr. Visit

Brittany (my nurse) was awesome yesterday. I always feel better after seeing them, they are wonderful and I always leave feeling like they are working hard to help me and we have a new plan of action.

This month's pregnancy plan: Double the dose of clomid to 100mg a day for 5 days. Going in on cd21 for progesterone testing to see if I am ovulating.
Wish me luck!

I will be cutting back on sugar and carbs again this month and trying to exercise more. I am feeling better and hopeful that this will be the IT month. I also found a great book called "A Few Good Eggs" by Julie Vargo and Maureen Regan. It has helped me be more positive, they are incredibly easy to read, have funny stories and really great information. Highly recommended!